The Third Role of a Woman
In the home of a Khalsa Family I marry and following in the steps of Mata Sulakhni Ji I learn to run my new home with such honor and dignity that it brings glory to all of Khalsa. In this day and age where we all are busy creating our own identities, we forget to create the identity of our family. Mata Sulakhni Ji teaches us how to be strong as an individual and how to become the strength of our family. Mata Ji was blessed to be the wife of the first Sikh Guru, Guru Nanak Dev Ji; Mata Ji lived up to her role as Guru Ji’s wife and set an example for all the Sikh women to come. Let us live up to the Standards set by Mata Sulakhni Ji by following in her foots steps by keeping the family united, trusting our husband and being independent.
Mata Sulakhni Ji was married into a family that was divided by the divinity of her husband, Guru Nanak Dev Ji, where her father-in-law wanted Guru Ji to focus on work and her Sister-in-Law believed Guru Ji was divine. Mata Ji did not create any more friction in the family by taking sides, instead she rose above that. She not only respected and took care of her in-laws but also showered Guru Ji and the people that came to visit him with the same love, care and respect. Mata Ji lived in harmony with her family and the visitors. When the people around you are at harmony, your soul is going to automatically work towards harmony. So let us learn from Mata Ji and shower everyone in our lives with the care, love and understanding. Because it is only then we’ll be able to keep the family united no matter how big the misunderstandings and be able to live in harmony.
When we are in harmony with the family, it becomes easy to be in harmony with the husband. Mata Ji lived in harmony with Guru Ji and easily developed trust in him because she was so at peace. For fourteen years they lived together in harmony before the periods of separation came. During those fourteen years the trust that had formed had allowed Mata Ji to allow Guru Ji to go and spread the word of Waheguru. Mata Ji had trust that Guru Ji was doing the right thing and would always maintain her trust. How many of us today can say that we have the same trust in our husbands? We are unable to bear even a minor separation and imagine a million negative things. A relationship should be based on trust, not on distrust until trust is proven. But so many relationships are built today on the foundation of distrust and then the trust is built on top of that foundation. The foundation of distrust is so weak that the no matter how much trust we built on top of it, it still shakes. Let us all follow Mata Ji and base our relationships on foundation of trust.
To maintain trust in someone, we must also maintain trust in ourselves and create an identity for ourselves. Mata Ji was amongst the first women in her time to create her own identity, and not just live a life where she did everything she was told. Guru Nanak Dev Ji preached and teached equality and Mata Ji lived it. Mata Ji was not afraid to talk to her sister-in-law about missing her husband a lot when he was gone and complained also at times. She didn’t just take things the way they were given to her. She maintained serving the saints and an open house for saints like Guru Ji had done. She made the decision to allow her sister-in-law to help raise one of her sons, Baba Sri Chand. Mata Ji was independent enough to take whatever decisions needed to keep her family united and in harmony. Because she was independent in her thinking, she was also able to question Guru Ji when he skipped over Baba Sri Chand Ji and named Bhai Lenha Ji (Guru Angad Dev Ji) as the second Guru. Mata Ji was independent but understanding. When things were explained to her by Guru Ji, she understood them. She didn’t blindly follow but she didn’t needlessly question either. Let us be like Mata Ji in that sense that we are independent enough not to blindly follow but yet dependent enough to understand our loved ones and trust them.
Love and Trust is the foundation of all the new relationships you form when you get married. Mata Sulakhni Ji was one of the first role models for all the Sikh women to come on how to be good wife. Mata Ji taught us to keep our families united, to trust our husbands and be independent all at the same time. Let us move away from self-centeredness and towards the teachings of Mata Ji. If Mata Ji’s relationship could withstand years of separation, then with her blessings we too can withstand any problems we might face.