This is going to sound very bad but yesterday on day 3 I had felt as if I woke up full of excuses to tell everyone why i failed yet again. I had the excuses ready without even having tried yet. Now before you guys start shaking your finger at me and telling me that’s no way for a Sikh to behave, I agree with you guys. I listened to all my excuses and then told myself, I am a Sikh and there is no excuse for giving up without even trying. So here is how I did on keeping Amritvela, eating healthy and exercise with a mind full of excuses and a heart full of love for Sikhi.
I think the excuses set in because I was not able to stay up and do path all night and then on top of that I didn’t keep amritvela. I felt like a failure and immediately started searching for excuses. The excuse that had come to mind was my health, I have been sleeping a lot lately and the last time that happened I turned out to be very sick. I use to sleep for 15-16 hours a day almost last time I got sick and it was like my body was shutting down so it could try and heal itself. I have been telling myself maybe I am getting Sick, that’s why I can’t get up but that is no excuse and probably a play of my brain to keep me from doing Path. Sikhs have gone through so much for Sikhi and I can’t get over my sleep. I am not gonna give up, going to keep trying. Wanting to end this on a positive note, I would like to share something that happened at the end of the day with Sangat Ji. Last night I tried again to stay up all night to do path and this time I actually managed to get started and do some path before sleep took over me. It leaves me hopeful that tonight I will show some more progress and do path for a longer period of time. I know the hope is to get Amritvela, not to path all night but a part of me hopes the peace and quiet of night will help me attach to Waheguru Ji’s feet more and eventually let my struggles be fruitful by Waheguru Ji gifting me Amritvela. I just want to keep doing something to improve myself as a Sikh.
I have some good news to report on the healthy eating front (and some bad). I felt very ashamed of myself for coming up with excuse before I even tried, so as hungry as I was feeling I didn’t allow myself to eat at the store. It was noon before I got home and I hadn’t ate anything or drank a sip of anything. no soda, no junk food. I arrived home to much work and a sandwich (healthy wheat bread and veggies) of which I managed to eat approximately 3 bites because I just had to much to do. Still nothing to drink. In all the running around I didn’t get another a chance to eat till 5:30 by which time I was still not home and starved. I just didn’t have the energy to go home and cook because the amount of chores I had waiting for me at home along with a 2 year old I was going to have to babysit at the same time. At 5:30 I made my unhealthy decision of the day and got myself some good old fast food to eat while I drove home. The guilt of coming up with the excuses and the desire to be a good Sikh kept me good through most of the day but bad habits take time to change. I felt so bad about giving in after being so good I didn’t drink more then 2 sips of my favorite coke. I tried and lasted most of the day and hopefully soon with Waheguru Ji’s blessings I will last all day, every day.
So I didn’t last without junk food all day the thought made me very unhappy, so I had to make it up to myself and I did with exercise. I started running the moment the baby left and dinner was all ready expect for roti (i love eating and serving roti right off the stove, all hot and yummy). It felt good to get some exercise and burn off the unhealthy junk food I ate earlier. No excuses for exercise today, just I did and hopefully I will run even more today.
I had started out with a list of excuses for failure but with Waheguru Ji’s grace I made some progress. Waheguru Ji willing I will one day be able to submit a perfect I did it report to Sangat.