Last weekend I watched the dishonor of Guru Granth Sahib Ji and it broke my heart. I felt like a failure as a Sikh and couldn’t bring myself to continue the challenge because it all seemed pointless.After 5 days of not talking to you guys, sharing small victories and huge failures, I am back. There will be two entries today; one for the four days I didn’t talk and one for today. 🙂 So here we go amritvela, food and exercise.
I didn’t wake up at amritvela once but I have been getting up earlier then usual. I just felt so lifeless going through my daily routine and for the first time my mind wasn’t on Guru Ji at all times. Not only did I not have my amritvela these past days but I felt so disconnected from Guru Ji. These past days have been hard but with Guru Ji’s blessings I am pulling myself together. I am not giving up because of depression and this feeling of helplessness. I am asking Waheguru Ji to give me courage to keep strong and allow me to focus once again on His Name and a way to do something for Sikh Panth. But to do anything I have to get the strength to make my routine and get amritvela, so the challenge is back.
The second aspect of the challenge was eating healthy. I am proud to say yesterday was the first day in this whole challenge where I ate no junk food, drank no soda. The healthiest I have ever been, it felt good. I hope to continue.
Lack of food, sleep and inspiration caused me to stay away from exercise, so sadly the last few days I did no exercise at all. I have no excuses, no explanation. Maybe tomorrow I will have more to report.
The working week of depression left me a total failure for the challenge. I am sorry. But I promise to restart it immediately with full force and do better.